Compromising ("half way")
Overview: Urge moderation, bargain; split the difference; find a little something for everyone; meet them halfway.
Perspective on Conflict: Conflict is mutual difference best resolved by cooperation and compromise. If each comes halfway, progress can be made by the democratic process.
Often appropriate when . . .
• cooperation is important, but time or resources are limited.
• finding some solution, even less than the best, is better than
a complete stalemate.
• efforts to collaborate will be misunderstood as forcing.
Often inappropriate when . . .
• it's essential to find the most creative solutions.
• when you can't live with the consequences.
Avoiding ("no way")
Overview: Delay or avoid response; withdraw; be inaccessible; divert attention.
Perspective on Conflict: Conflict is hopeless; avoid it. Ignore differences; accept disagreement or get out.
Often appropriate when . . .
• the issue is trivial.
• the relationship is insignificant.
• time is short, and a decision is not necessary.
• you have little power, but still wish to block the other person.
Often inappropriate when . . .
• you care about the issues and the relationship.
• used habitually for most issues.
• a residue of negative feelings is likely to linger.
• others would benefit from caring confrontation.
Accommodating ("your way")
Overview: Accept the other's view; let the other's view prevail; give in; support; acknowledge error; decide it's no big deal or it doesn't matter.
Perspective on Conflict: Conflict is usually disastrous, so yield. Sacrifice your own interests; ignore the issues; put relationships first; keep peace at any cost.
Often appropriate when . . .
• you really don't care about the issue.
• you're powerless, but don't wish to block the other.
Often inappropriate when . . .
• you are likely to harbor resentment.
• used habitually in order to gain acceptance (Outcome: depression
and lack of self-respect).
• when others wish to collaborate and will feel like forcers if
you accommodate.
Forcing ("my way")
Overview: Control the outcome; discourage disagreement; insist on my view prevailing.
Perspective on Conflict: Conflict is obvious, some people are right and some people are wrong. The central issue is who is right. Pressure and coercion are necessary
Often appropriate when . . .
• an emergency looms. you're sure you're right, and being right matters
more than preserving relationships.
• the issue is trivial, and others don't really care what happens.
Often inappropriate when . . .
• collaboration has not yet been attempted.
• cooperation from others is important.
• used routinely for most issues.
• self-respect of others is diminished needlessly.
Collaborating ("our way")
Overview: Assert your views while also inviting other views. Welcome differences; identify all main concerns; generate options; search for solution which meets as many concerns as possible; search for mutual agreement.
Perspective on Conflict: Conflict is natural, neutral, so affirm differences, prize each person's uniqueness. Recognize tensions in relationships and contrasts in viewpoint. Work through conflicts of closeness.
Often appropriate when . . .
• issues and relationship are both significant.
• cooperation is important.
• a creative outcome is important.
• reasonable hope exists to meet all concerns.
Often inappropriate when...
• time is short.
• the issues are unimportant.
• you're overloaded with processing..
• the goals of the other person are wrong beyond doubt.
Ron Craybill
• MCS 1986, 2000, titles adapted from the Thomas-Kilmann
Conflict Mode Instrument and from David Augsburger
Mennonite Conciliation Service
Chapter 2 Conflict and Transformation
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